Community Gets The Short End of The Stick
"Your chances of dying over the next year are cut in half by joining one group."
David Epstein reminded me of this quote from Bowling Alone author Robert Putnam when I interviewed him at a recent CADRE event.
A meta-analysis of 148 studies concluded that:
Social isolation exceeds obesity and physical inactivity as a mortality risk factor, and that prioritizing social connection was comparable to quitting smoking.
I imagine most people believe this to be true, and yet I see the vast majority of them consistently de-prioritizing community in favor of other obligations.
Running a community for 15 years has allowed me to see firsthand the benefits of bringing epic people together.
The idea sharing.
The energy exchange.
Proximity to people who are up against the same things you are.
Not to mention the forging of life-long friendships in many cases.
I want to double click on the last one.
I think at the end of the day most people join groups because they are looking for new or better friendships.
A member emailed me after our event last week and said,"Our people bring out the best version of me."
Every so often we get introduced to someone who would be a great fit for CADRE, and they pass because they don't have the time. They cite being too busy with work, wanting to spend more time with family, and/or needing to focus on their physical health.
If someone hasn't been to the gym in a month or has been too busy to be present for their spouse, I'll be the first to encourage them to lean hard into those areas.
However, we never hear someone say "I am going to ignore my kids for three months so I can develop and deepen my friendships."
I am not suggesting these relationships should trump the other areas.
But I don't think you can be happy and fulfilled in life without strong community.
Friendship is the only part of your life you can starve and feel virtuous about.
Neglect your work, you will feel it in your bank account.
Neglect your health, your body will sound an alarm.
Neglect your family and (hopefully) somebody tells you.
Neglect your friendships and nothing happens.
There is no crisis and no forcing function, just a slow thinning out you won't notice until you count back and realize how long it has been since you spent real time with anyone who isn't family or a colleague.
That could take three months or twenty years, and by the time you notice, your options may be limited (if you are lucky enough to still have options).
You don't have to join CADRE, or any particular group, but if you don't, you may need to form your own cadre.
If things are good at work and good at home and something still feels like it is missing, I would take an honest look at how often you are in a room with people you enjoy – people who bring out the best in you.
Put one thing on the calendar for this week and report back.
I'd love to hear how you feel on the other side of it.
