You'd Die for Your Kids. Are You Showing Them How to Live?
Have you ever considered that one reason your kids don't seem to enjoy spending time with you is that, in their eyes, you're living a boring, uninspired life?
Several of my 13-year-old's friends have started coming over to lift weights with us. That's hours a week with my son and his friends at an age when kids naturally want nothing to do with their parents.
One of their moms told me I'm known as the "jacked dad." If I weren't modeling something they wanted, I'd be hunting for other ways to get time with my son.
When my oldest son started dating his girlfriend, I let him know I was around if he ever had questions or wanted advice.
At first, he shrugged me off.
Then I reminded him I might know what I'm talking about, because I did pull his mom. He sees how Melanie and I connect and how much we love each other, and that buys me a lot of credibility.
If you and your partner have a mediocre relationship where you're just going through the motions, your kids probably won't come to you for relationship advice either.
I think my kids like being around me in part because I'm living a life they respect.
I'm out of shape in plenty of areas, too. Nobody in my house is asking me for homework help, and they shouldn't. I graduated with a 2.6 GPA.
So where are you figuratively out of shape, and getting quietly ruled out as someone they'd come to for advice?
Please don't take "you're boring and uninspiring" as a character flaw. I just want to remind you of something you may have forgotten: how you're capable of showing up in the world.
We're trained to put our own vitality last: work now, friends later, fun once the kids are grown, get in shape when things finally slow down.
We hoard our lives for some future version of ourselves, and our kids watch us do it.
I'd like to invite you to ask some honest questions of yourself:
Do you come home and complain about work or politics all night?
Do you have friends you rarely see?
Do you prioritize having fun, and if so, is it the kind that makes your kids excited to be an adult one day?
As Carl Jung put it, nothing shapes a child more than the unlived life of the parent. I know you would die for your kids, but are you showing them how to live?
If you want more of your kids' time, the move isn't to beg for it.
